My Space: Day 2

Day 2 - a movie that helped you get through the hard times, or one that jumps out at you after your loss.

Well this one is easy - I haven't got one.
I don't turn on the tv at all and have no interest in the movies either. I'll only catch the news if A. is watching it, otherwise I sit in my rocking chair, with my feet up and covered with a hairy blanket by the window and read - A. says I look like a cozy old lady... I am.

TV is a distraction for me. I've only had an interest in watching 007 - From Russia With Love and that is only because I wanted to see how different it was from Ian Fleming's book I'd just read. I can't even watch harmless sitcoms really, there will inevitably be some sort of story line around babies; one here in Australia has the main character working as an Ob on a maternity ward. So that is me limiting the damage tv can do too me.

Ah, but I did gush over A Single Man yesterday. A beautiful, stylish movie directed by Tom Ford. Beautiful soundtrack and also the ever-so wonderful Colin Firth...playing a gay man - again!! Anyway, the story is tragic; its all about loss. I've not seen it since the flight over to the UK, it will be interesting seeing it through these grief-goggles.

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I was writing to a new 'baby-lost' mama last night, rambling on I was about something that I couldn't quite grasp - obviously. When later on in bed reading An Exact Replica, I saw a sentence that summed up that whole email I'd sent to L. How annoying that people can write so damned well!! Anyway, this the it bit; 'I wanted to say something to our friends that wasn't, "our child has died and our lives are over"'.
That is what writing this is for me. I know my friends and family aren't going to read this, but for me, I need to think something different from 'my dear Elizabeth has died and my life are over'.
This is why the 30 Days appealed to me so much; a defined structure to think around. Of course Elizabeth is the main character, she is my specialised subject and I gravitate towards her and think of her so much. She has changed my life irreparably and I'm determined to make her too short life, count for something - I want to learn from her legacy of love. I want to grow having her memory in my life. I want to search out the nugget of gold in this cesspit that I've found myself in.

Its October 15th and Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day.
Elizabeth's candle is alight and I think of all the lost babies, their families and loved ones.