Why? Yesterday I had the first 'tightenings' since being discharged 5 weeks ago. Luckily I was at another appointment (Dr Thyroid) and had my 'safetly net' form with me that Penny gave me at my last appointment (CTG, AFI & Doppler) with the instructions to use it 'whenever'. Long story short; I was getting the 'tightenings' (BH is easier to write) maybe three times in a ten minute block and by the time I'd been seen by the physician I was into the third hour like that.
CTG all good. AFI 11.6 - all good. Doppler on her umbilical cord showed brilliant blood flow and my little wriggler was doing her thing. But when it came to why I was actually there (BH) no one addressed that and assumed that the monitoring that had been done was enough to put my mind at rest. The nurses there at the Day Care Unit don't know me in fairness and all the doctors are on a different team (different day, different team on clinic duties) and I didn't want a repeat of 5 weeks ago with being admitted for a two night stay. A. wasn't with me and I just got very emotional. I felt like a complete idiot for that (or was I made to feel that way?), but it's not something you can control at those times...
Anyway the BH were getting less and I just wanted out of there, but that was only once the Dr on call had listened to my concerns and reassured me enough - I had an appointment booked with Penny the following day anyway.
I couldn't believe how that made me feel to be honest; to lose it like it did because no one would actually listen to me and my anxiety, they had to call the doctor to do that. I decided that I have to put myself aside, no matter how foolish I felt; I had to put Amelia's well being first.
On seeing Penny this morning I have come away feeling as light as a feather and fully assured that I did the right thing. She spent over an hour talking with me, doing tests (fFN - Fetal fibronectin test to see if labour will start in the next 7-10 days - negative, phew) having a look at Amelia via ultrasound (saw her smile and swallowing with her eyes closed, as well as lots of cord floating in lots of space), writing out more 'safety net' forms and letting me know her personal experiences with BH and how she thinks it could be a precursor to early labour. I was a totally different person leaving the hospital today, a spring in my step and feeling the lightest I have all week.
I just can't express how lucky I am feeling to have Penny as my OB.
33 weeks and 4 days
|33 weeks - September 12th|
Not bad at all considering really; a bit achy in the belly, but have been taking it easy - if I'm walking faster than a sedate pace I get BH, if I get up quickly I get them; so I'm not wanting to push it.
Up till now I've had a pretty busy week, made all the more so with the fact that I've not been wanting to spend time in my own head - distraction rules and that means getting out of the house most of the day. The awesome side effect from all this 'doing' is that I'm sleeping like a log (no matter how many times I get up to use the loo). I am also managing the smaller capacity tummy well now; my eyes are far bigger than it, so least I'm not getting so very uncomfortable after each meal/snack/SHC.
I am feeling a lightness that I've not felt for awhile. Amelia is staying put and is happy in here. Relief also that I'd been taken seriously and had my anxiety addressed and validated by the wonderful Penny. Prior to this morning I've been feeling quite strung out, very quite, emotionally sensitive, exhausted and very uninterested in everything. I hope that blip is done with now, and I know not to push myself too hard.
Hospital appointments and clinical
Penny goes away for holidays for two weeks, so will see her in three. I have a 'safety net' for next week and am seeing a trusted and primed colleague the following week - that will take me up to 36 weeks when I see her again! Did I mention we had our c-section date through?!
Who the hell cares - it's not important today.
Sweet things and fresh, green things. Tuna and a good few SHCs.
Plans & Preparations
I've been out of the house and so haven't gotten anywhere with sorting out the 'girls room', not even mentally. Starting to think of Amelia as a little baby now, not just as the little being growing in my tum. Getting excited? Dare I hope to.