Back At Home Now

As I'm sitting here in my comfy corner of the living room, my feet up and a hot brew by my side, I am loving every single little kick, jab, twist and turn from little Amelia within. It is dusk now and things are calm here, I hear the birds calling and see the fresh new white bits of blossom on the tree outside the window - the seasons are changing fast.

I have been back home for a day and night now and how great it is to be so. Hospital for two nights isn't all that fun, quite knackering really. All is well with us, all is back to a 'normal' again and for that I couldn't be happier! A lot has happened really, more so I am discovering mentally now I have time to take stock of what actually happened; my feelings and how they have altered too. I am counting my lucky stars to be honest, lapping up every moment I have and savouring it.

The short of the long story is that I was having 'tightenings' (Braxton Hicks, preterm labour contractions - whatever you want to call them; the nurses/doctors called them 'tightenings' and so do I now) that were relentless, regular and frequent and at 28 weeks that should not be happening. I tried everything to rid myself of them to begin with, drinking loads of water, lying on my left and I tried to sleep through them, but when A. came home an hour later I actually timed them and they were coming every minute and a half, lasting 30 seconds. This sent me into a tailspin and called the hospital at once, they told us to head straight in.

They had my notes ready and so knew of our history, losing Elizabeth there and I found myself being wheeled up to 'that' labour and delivery ward; I just found it so bloody hard; the same smells, same colours, same lights but thankfully a different room. The CTG (Cardiotocography) machine was hooked up and that is when I started to calm down; just hearing the galloping of her steady heart rate was an awesome relief and seeing that the 'tightenings' weren't stressing her out.
I donned my 'best advocate' hat and started holding it together.

I was kept in on the Antenatal ward to be watched like a hawk; to ensure the 'tightenings' had fully calmed down, which they did after the medication I received. This decision was made easier with the facts that my placenta was still far too low to allow a natural birth and due to the LETTS (LEEP) procedure I had done in December, they weren't going to risk me going anywhere near a natural labour. So covering all bases they started the steroid shots for Amelia's lung development and asked me whether I wanted to talk to the paediatrician about delivering a 28 week old baby - to which I almost chocked; there was no way I was going down that path until I was there, so no thank you!

Test results later showed that I wasn't going to go into labour within the next week. I also showed no signs of actually dilating and lab results showed there was no infection of any kind; we have no cause or trigger to blame it all on.

On discharge I was told its back to normal for me now, but I'm taking it easy. I am hyper aware of every feeling I'm getting from my uterus and usually have my hand on top of my fundus to tell if its just her butt butting me or a 'tightening' - its getting harder to tell now she is using up her available space in there. And she is getting big too, we had the level 2 ultrasound straight after leaving the ward, she is measuring ahead at least a week, weighing it at 1300 odd grams (almost 3lbs) - considering Elizabeth was small; just under the 7lb mark, I think this little girl won't be so little.

So all is well and good just now; we're just keeping our fingers crossed that she stays put for another nine to ten weeks and my sanity holds on. I must admit that I've had a lot of time to 'deal' with a whole host of mental musings and feel on top of everything - just about. I am so very aware of Elizabeth's birthday coming up, but I'm glad I could focus on getting through that tough time with Amelia first without heading back into a stressed out place - I am just feeling so very fucking lucky.

Things with A. have gone from great to even better thankfully - there is no way I'd be half the person I am today without his steadfast love and support. He is my ultimate security blanket and love nothing else than to be wrapped up in his arms; Amelia nestled between us and Elizabeth and Taggpole in our hearts.