One In A Million

I was in the city yesterday with a whole list of things to do. Part of that list was to catch up on some emailing, so settled myself in a cozy corner of Star.bucks with my I.pad to write. I was enjoying a very productive day and the hot chocolate there, are best - I was just saving the last mail (my pad isn't a 3G) and it goes tits up and deleted it instead. I hate this when it happens, it's so very frustrating! Okay I thought calmly, I can quickly rewrite it.

I was writing to my cousin H (who is a few weeks away from giving birth to her long awaiting IVF baby, who has been lovely and not shying away from me and loves to know how I'm doing) trying to answer her question concisely, of whether or not I would like a card for Elizabeth's birthday - she didn't know how that would make me feel. Good question with many sides to the coin in my eyes and so it was a long and rambling mail (as always). Anyway I had to write it a good few times (can you believe there is no save or undo options, nor shortcuts on the pad's keyboard!) and it was starting to get quite dark with rain in the sky and soon the commuters would be out in force.

A lady sits herself down in the sofa next to me and asks: "Are you pregnant?"

Me: "yes, I am"

Her: "how far along are you?"

Me: "25 weeks"

Her: "wow, I'm just 6 weeks"

Me: "ah, congratulations"

Her: "is this your first?"

This is when my heart starts beating super loud in my chest, it jumps up into my throat and goes for the strangle hold. It is so loud and fast I'm asking myself why she can't hear it?

So I answer "no, this is my third pregnancy"

Her: "you must be a dab hand at it then, how is it effecting your body?"

Me: "at the pregnancy bit yes. It's not too bad on the body, it's more a mental thing with me"

She gets her brew and settles down with her book - I know I've stumped her and I return to the last sentence of my mail. But then I'm looking at my screen saver on my lap, of Elizabeth and I and all that mothers love flowing through me and I just want to engage her in conversation about loving pregnancy, being excited, preparing and letting her know some of the quirks of being pregnant - I love being pregnant and wanted to enthuse and show that. All this running through my head after writing in my last post about not being able or wanting to talk with 'normal expectants'...

But Kim from Toronto isn't a 'normal' lady, she is a BLM; in fact she had suffered a miscarriage just two months ago. And that's not all, she grew up knowing of a sister and brother (Sarah and Stephen) who came before her and never met - they died at birth, full term. She can't remember a time when she didn't know of her older siblings and her family have always had them both very present in their lives. 

It was amazing to me to have someone come and sit next to me that I could talk of all my babies Taggpole, Elizabeth, and Amelia. I showed her my screen saver of Elizabeth and I, I told her of the countless awesome moments of pregnancy, we talked of living in the moment and we both really talked of our loves and loses. We were on the same page and wow did we talk... and she wasn't scared. 

I was actually the third person she'd told of her current pregnancy (after her fiancé (they marry in 2 months) and mother (who she is so very close to)). She is heading back home for the wedding and has been travelling for 7 months already, so hasn't had any real contact with friends or family, or anyone else who can understand like another BLM. I would have waffled on with her for hours and hours, it was so easy and not forced at all and I was sad to say goodbye. Kim thanked me for sharing with her and also said how full of positivity I was - can you believe how much validation was in that small sentence?!

Kim from Toronto really, really lifted my spirits, gave me a spring in my step on the way home in the dark, wet and cold weather with all the late commuters. It was an awesome chance meeting with a complete stranger and quite serendipitous, it was just what I needed - when moments before I was writing to H that there are too few people in my life here that I can open up to about my babes.

I thank Kim from Toronto and I hope that her new little soul thrives and ends up out living her and her husband. 

I also hope that yesterday's wonder isn't a one in a million occurrence, I think I have a little more hope that I may open up with more people on the off chance. I love talking about Elizabeth and doing so outside of my head with someone else who understands; it just gives me a high and makes me remember her with just the love in my heart.

The hot chocolate and donut could have contributed to that high - GTT is still a week away...