I'll find you in the bright colours and quite places, always remembered beautiful Elizabeth - Auntie K

Friday, August 16

In the city

I'm here in the city today for I think my last acupuncture appointment - I've not had any for 3 weeks and I don't think I'm any worse for not having the pins... But I may reserve that judgement until I've heard a heartbeat! I'm still having my day a week(ish) alone to meander about the city as I choose, even without my appointments. 
The weather has been much kinder to us without cars this week, we've been able to get out of the house, do things and meet up with people - which has been lovely for us both. Andy is less stressed about the car, having passed his exams this week for the ARV. He has also take on board my fears, emotional out bursts and dread of spending Elizabeth's birthday without him. He took my suggestion and asked for a compassionate day off - thank goodness!! So much relief about that, now I will be able to properly compose myself and plan a nice way of remembering her this year... Also in reminding others that her birthday is almost on us (to be figured out today), I'm just going to put the word out that its time for sunrise and set photos.

Other news is that I've had an appointment made for me at the women's to get booked into the pregnancy clinic there. I'll be 12 weeks then, I'll have to look up when my first appointment with Millie was - I know I wasn't showing then. Thank goodness that A. will be free to come with me too. I'll make an appointment to see my GP at 10 weeks for the NT blood test and then the ultrasound at 12 weeks - a few days apart. Thing is that I'm not sure they'll find a heartbeat, how do I know that everything is okay on the inside? I'll break out the Doppler in a week or so and hopefully that'll give me some sweet sounding news.

I'm knackered most if the time these days. Millie is full on and acts up if I'm not 'fully' there with her. I sleep when she does during the day, sometimes that maybe for almost 3hrs, or at least once a week that is down to zero! I don't want to kiss goodbye to her midday naps yet... Although I don't mind her going to bed at half 7 after being up for 12hrs - she usually has about 12hrs of sleep aday. My biggest concern is having enough time for 2 children, I know my heart will love them all continuously, but will I have enough of the proper mother in me to mother them both properly? And then have anything left for myself and A. afterward? I still want a husband after kids!!

This year is going to be tough. For lots of reasons, but the main is that A. will be taking his fellowship exams at the end of a very intense year of study...

...To be continued

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